Friday, March 09, 2012

Three Ads Too Good Not to Share -- Products for Guys

These three advertisements come courtesy of my friend Greg over at UMRK Radio. Be sure to check out his swingin' podcasts and live shows--three hours chock-full of groovy hits from the 50s through the 80s (with a focus usually on the 60s) and nonstop fun! But first be sure to check out these three vintage ads chock-full of hilarity:

I like to call this ad "The Downside of Being a 70s Anchorman." This guy has a full hair of head that would make even Rob Burgandy jealous. The ad is even congratulating him, pointing out that he has way more hair than he did a year ago. A whole year? Does it take that long to achieve this length? But as the ad reminds us, being a guy with longer hair is not all it's cracked up to be. It's a high maintenance look--according to the copy, you have to wash it more and dry it right, or "the whole look falls apart." In other words, you have to care for your hair like a woman. I have a better idea: how about just going for the Telly Savales and calling it a day? 

If you have hair like the first guy but you're still a total dweeb with the ladies, then this Jethro Tull t-shirt is guaranteed to improve your game! Yeah, forget about The Beatles (even though the dude wearing the t-shirt looks like John Lennon during the Sgt. Pepper period), The Stones, and Jim Morrison. Chicks apparently get turned on by Jethro Tull. It must be something to do with the fact that this group featured a flute in many of their songs...which ironically, is an instrument that Ron Burgandy is quite acquainted with. Want proof? The girl IS HUMPING HIS LEG. If that's not persuasive marketing, than I don't know what is. There is a major problem, however. Considering that this was an ad to win a t-shirt, once it's ripped like the one on the fellow above, it's gone forever...and so is your player game. 

If the lush locks and a Jethro Tull tee still aren't helping you, then how about just putting it all out there by flat-out asking women to kiss you? Better yet, let your tie do the talking with this glow-in-the-dark number that does double wardrobe duty for you--a "smart" tie by day that becomes a stupid one at night! You know it's a bad sign when a company is giving away an item: "Send no money! Free trial offer!" They're going to need the money to offset the lawsuits from losers who wore this tie looking for nooky but ended up with a shiner instead.

10 comments:

JZ said...

All those lonely Saturday nights I had as a kid growing up in the seventies, and all I needed was a Jethro Tull Tee Shirt and a glow in the dark necktie...

Teena in Toronto said...

I had a hair dryer like that!

Darrin.. said...

I need that comb! Nah.. maybe not. I like the hair I still have too much. So tell me Pammy.. could you dig a cat who was sportin' a swank tie like that? =^D

Ken Reid said...

It may be an apocryphal story, but i seem to remember reading that those glow in the dark ties were actually made with uranium paint. All the women who worked in the factory where they were made used to lick the brushes in order to be able to paint the letters and they all got mouth cancer.

Luis said...

Fantastic ads! My favorite is the Jethro Tull shirt ad because it's so incredibly off the mark! As a Jethro Tull fan I can tell you it's the ONE band that makes women run away screaming or at best leaves them with a puzzled look on their face as if saying "what the hell is that?".

Pam@GoRetro said...

@Ken Reid - I Googled your grim story and it was a watch making factory in the 1910s that employed girls to paint the watch dials with radium paint...all of them came down with "radium jaw" aka severe bone cancer. I would hope the manufacturer of these glow-in-the-dark ties used a safer substance to make them light up in the dark.

@Luis - very true! As a female I can honestly say I've never been into Jethro Tull (I mean the opening lyrics to Aqualung...ewww!) and I don't know of any other woman who is a fan.

@Darrin - it would have to be one of my celebrity crushes, hee hee.

Anonymous said...

I now live in such an ancient radium-paint town - the site is now a soccer field and riverfront linear picnic park, in daily use(!). They just cleaned up surface lead at another site(!!). A J-T fan too; Ian Anderson is great in concert - Cross-eyed Mary FTW
s-a-h-d

Lakota [Faith Hope and Charity Shopping] said...

Imagine the Lynx effect that utilising all three would have! Great post, I'm a big fan of vintage ads and a new follower.

Anonymous said...

At the risk of offending, are you sure the attraction of the glow-in-the-dark tie isn't that it turns a white guy into a black man at night?

Lacey said...

Yep, when I troll the bar scene the FIRST thing I look for is the guy with the "Kiss Me" glow in the dark necktie.
Nothing says relationship material like that.

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